1. If I had to select a word that best describes the majority of American I parents,that word would be guilt-ridden. How sad it is to see parents become the willing victims of the "givc-me game",only lo discover that,no matter what they do,it isn't enough. In the end,they are despised for their lack of firmness and blamed when their spoiled children get in trouble. With this in mind,I shall first answer this question:" What do parents owe their children?" and I shall start with what they don't owe them.

2.Parents don't owe their children every minute of their day and every ounce of their energy. They don't owe them round-the-clock car service,singing lessons,tennis lessons,expensive bicycles,a motorcycle or a car when they reach sixteen,or a trip to Hurope when they graduate.

3.I take the firm position that parents do not owe their children a college education. If they can afford it,line; they can certainly send them to the best universities. But they must not feel guiltily if they can't. If the children really want lo go,they'll find a way. There are plenty of loans and scholarships for the bright and eager who can't afford to pay.

4.After children marry,their parents do not owe them a down payment on a house or money for the furniture. They do not have an obligation to baby-sit or to take their grandchildren in their house when the parents were on vacation. If they want ro do it,it must be considered a favor,not an obligation.

5.In my opinion,parents do not owe their children an inheritance,no matter how much money they have. One of the surest ways to produce a loafer is to let children know that their future is assured.

6.Do parents owe their children anything? Yes,they owe them a great deal.

7.One of their chief obligations is to give their children a sense of personal worth of self-esteem is the basis of a good mental health. A youngster,who is constantly made to feci stupid and unworthy,constantly compared to brighter brothers,sisters or cousins,will become so unsure,so afraid of failing,that he (or she) won't try at ail. Of course,they should be corrected when they do wrong ; this is the way children learn. But the criticisms should be balanced with praises,preferably with a smile and a kiss. No child is ever too old to be hugged. Parents owe their children iirm guidance and consistent discipline. It is frightening for ayoungster to feel thai he is in charge of himself; it's like being in a car without brakes. The parents who say "No" when other parents say "Yes" sends a double message. He is also saying: "I love you,and I am ready to risk your anger,because I don't want you to get into trouble."

8.Parents owe their children some religious training. The tact that so many strange cults are enjoying such success is proof that children feel the need for something spiritual in their life.

9.Parents owe their children a comfortable feeling about their body,and enough information about sex to balance the misinformation that they will surely receive from their friends.

10.Parents owe their children privacy and respect for their personalbelongings. This means not borrowing things without permission,not readingdiaries and mail,not looking through purses,pockets,and drawers. If a motherfeels that she must read her daughter's diary to know what is going on,thecommunication between them must be pretty bad.

11.Parents owe their chi Idren a set of solid values around which to build theirlives. This means teaching them to respect the rights and opinions of others; itmeans being respectful to elders,to teachers,and to the law. The best way to t eachsuch values is by example. A child who is lied to will lie. A child who sees hisparents steal tools from the factory or towels from a hotel will think thai it is allright to steal. A youngster who sees no laughter and no love in the home will havea difficult time laughing and loving.

12. No child asks to be born. If you bring a life into the world,you owe the children something. And if you give him his due,he'll have something of value to pass along to your grandchi Idren.

 

在中国，绝大多数父母心甘情愿毕生在做着一种“给予游戏”的牺牲品，最后满头白发时却愕然发现，无论他们对子女付出多少，却总是不够的。中国的父母好象是一头挤也挤不干，任劳任怨的奶牛，这样的爱沉重且艰辛。 ­

　　那么，做父母的到底欠不欠他们的子女？如果欠，究竟欠了他们什么？提到这些问题，请允许我先从做父母的“不欠子女什么”说起。 ­

　　做父母的不欠子女一分时间，半分力气，不欠没日没夜地为子女操劳。不欠他们的钢琴课、网球课和昂贵的山地自行车。当子女们长到16岁时，父母也不欠他们花花绿绿的丝裙子和镶金镀银的手表以及那每周的“迪厅”票。子女的假期父母也不欠他们去各地游山玩水的开销。 ­

　　我始终认为做父母的不一定非要供子女上大学，特别是对于我国现阶段的国情。如果财力盈余，那当然好，父母可以把子女送到大学去深造，但如果供不起，也不必感到丝毫的愧疚。如果你的孩子有天赋真想上学，他们自会有办法。对于聪明好学却付不起学费的人来说，借贷和奖学金的种类还是很多的。 ­

　　子女结婚后，父母不欠他们用分期付款的方式购买房子首次该付的钱，也不欠他们置办婚礼和购置家具的钱；父母没有给子女当保姆照看孩子的责任；在子女外出旅游时，他们也没有把孙子孙女领到家里服侍的义务；如果他们想这么做，那也只能看作是一种帮助，而绝不是一种义务。 ­

　　在我看来，无论做父母的多么有钱，也不欠子女一分钱的遗产。培养懒汉最好的办法，就是让孩子们从小知道了他们的未来确有保障。 ­

那么，做父母的到底欠不欠孩子的东西呢？答案是肯定的，欠，而且欠他们很多。 ­

父母的主要责任和任务之一，是让孩子们懂得自身的价值。因为自尊和自信是饱满精神状态的基础，这一点中国的父母尤其做的不够。对于当代青年的普遍的心理危机，首要的责任当推中国的父母对子女早期的心理教育的欠缺。我们并不缺少在奥林匹克各学科竞赛上摘金挂银的学生，而缺少的是当代跨世纪青少年饱满的精神状态。只有有了良好的精神状态，他们才有足够的心理容量去迎接崭新的二十一世纪的挑战。一个青少年，如果总是拿他与比他聪明的兄弟姐妹或同龄的亲戚朋友相比，如果总是让他感到自己愚蠢和无用，那他就会变得毫无自信，惟恐失败，以至不想去试着做任何努力，干任何哪怕是他力所能及的事情。这一点，中国的父母可能是源于从小根深蒂固的“楷模” 、“英雄”等对先进典型的敬仰观念。做起来更甚，他们很少提自己的子女有什么优势，而总是拿自己的子女和更优秀的孩子比，“永不自满”作为中国人的传统美德在这里就显得有些尴尬了。当然，如果子女做错了事，父母应该纠正他们的错误，这是孩子们学习做人的途径。不过，在教育子女时，批评应该与表扬并重，而且最好是面带微笑，并吻他一下，孩子再大，也是可以拥抱的。西方的父母这一点比我们幽默，放松得多。 ­

父母有责任让他们的孩子对自己身体的生理变化有一种轻松的感觉，要教给他们足够的性知识，以免他们从他们的朋友那里得到太多的错误观念。 ­

父母应该尊重子女的隐私权，尊重他们私人的东西。也就是说，未经他们的允许不能动用他们的东西，也不要偷看他们的日记和信件，不要乱翻他们的钱包、口袋和抽屉。如果一个当母亲的觉得自己只有看了女儿的日记才能了解女儿在干些什么，那就表明她们母女之间的交流糟糕到了极点。 ­

做父母的有责任让子女们掌握一整套牢固的生活和处世准则。也就是说，要教育他们尊重别人的权利和意见；要尊敬师长，遵守法律。常言道，身教胜于言教，让孩子接受这些准则的最好办法是做父母的自己以身作则。常听谎言的孩子，也会向别人说谎。看到父母亲从工地里偷工具、从旅店里偷毛巾的孩子，会认为这是正常的行为。在家庭里听不到笑声，感觉不到爱的孩子，也难施他人以爱，报他人以笑。 ­

没有一个孩子是自己要求被生出来的。如果你把一个生命带到这个世界，你就要对这个生命负有责任，所以只有你把他应得的，有益的东西给他，他才会有一些有价值的东西传给他们的后代——你的孙子孙女们。 ­

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